All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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