So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
