So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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