Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
