2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
