Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Quick, to the slutcave!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
