there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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