I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
