there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
