No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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