i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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