dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
