Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
