I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
