I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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