i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
