i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
