turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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