I'm going to jail i love you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
