shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
