i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
