I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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