Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
