His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
