i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
