so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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