just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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