At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
