Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
