Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
