I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
