In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
