Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
