He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
