If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
