"it" just moved
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
