anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
