dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
