I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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