guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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