there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
