Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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