he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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