you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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