I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
