I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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