I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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