I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
