I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's the barista slut.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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