If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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