what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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