Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
