I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
